How I Imagine Ridley Scott Pitched Robin Hood

Ridley Scott : Ok, picture this: Russell Robin Hood!

Movie Producing Guy: That’s your idea?

RS: That’s it! The rest will write itself. I might add Cate Blanchett to give it a bit of gravitas, but I think Russell’s voice gives it plenty. You know that deep, gravelly voice he uses when he’s doing an English accent? They ate it up in Gladiator.

MPG: Ok, so Robin Hood. It’s a historical piece?

RS: Sort of. I’m gonna set it in the 12th century, and since nobody really knows what the 12th century was like, so we can pretty much just make it up.

MPG: We can?

RS: Sure! We just make all the props out of wood, throw in a few frolicsome dance sequences and call the alcohol ‘mead’, and nobody will know it isn’t the 1200s.

MPG: Hang on – isn’t the 12th century the 1100s?

RS: Is it? I always get those confused. Anyway nobody in the audience will know that.

MPG: What about the dialogue? Didn’t people speak different back then?

RS: Probably – nobody really knows how they spoke, so we can assume it was pretty much like we do.  Anyway, historical dialogue’s easy. All you have to do is expand all the contractions – like ‘isn’t’ becomes ‘is not’, ‘don’t’ becomes ‘do not’ etc. Hey presto – it’s ye olde! Anyway with a film like this we won’t need much dialogue – just a few wisecracks to punctuate the fight scenes.

MPG: Well, Ridley, you certainly seem to know your stuff. What’s your time frame?

RS: Well filming will take a few months, but I could have the script to you by...COB today?

MPG: Deal!